and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
