Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
