He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
