i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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