Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
