i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
