ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
