is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
