Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
