By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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