Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
