Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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