I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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