Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
