i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
