And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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