Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize