whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
