is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
