I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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