I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
