In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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