just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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