EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize