positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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