I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
