you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize