So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
