he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
