Plan B is the new Plan A
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
