So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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