he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
