Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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