Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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