when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
