I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
