I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
