i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
