ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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