Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
