Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
