I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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