get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
