I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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