Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
