ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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