Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
