tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
