Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
