new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
