how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize