yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
