He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
