Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
