only if we run a train.
done.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
