So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dick very happy bro
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
