Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
