don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
