she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
