90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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