I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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