One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
