so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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