she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
