If i come over, it means nothing
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
