i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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