his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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