I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
