it hurts more in the daytime
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
